karma

it's been a minute.
sage is 5 months and practically rolling over.
soon to be crawling i'm sure. time flies.
it's officially summer and the official
countdown of carson going to kindergarten,
I am terrified. he's my everything. I don't
know what i'll do without him at home with me!
I've started working out and I am already feeling
better.
when I was going through my hard recovery of
the mysterious bumps and sores all over my
legs, (STRESS)... I learned that I can eat better,
and feel good too. so I started this week off
with healthy eating only. no soda. I got kind
of addicted to soda this past month.
I've made it my goal to stay this way for a while,
and hopefully lose some weight. I tired of my
belly gut. blehhhh.
but things are ok around here. I wish I had more
to do. maybe ill do etsy again. i'm finally feeling
like myself again after that long and hard
pregnancy and all the health issues that came
along with it. and not to mention the stress. I
have been drained. I started off this year with
a beautiful baby girl that I always wanted, but
had the worst case of the blues I've ever had.
i'm trying to come back out of that. it was hard.
a lot has happened, that I just feel like I got
hit with it all at once way too hard and way
too fast. but now i'm finally back at a real pace,
and feeling calm and slightly back to my old self.
the working out part sure has helped me.

I had a run in with an old secret angel slash
random act of kindness a few weeks ago.
it was a day where I had just had it with myself.
tired of it all. feeling like a lame mom and I just
didn't know what to do with myself anymore.
Steen had asked me to bring her some soup
because she was sick and I was like OK, since i'm
out maybe ill drag my kids into smith's, bed head
and all, and get some hairdye. yeah. maybe dye-ing
my hair will make me feel happier, and prettier.
you know i'm ready to put the day behind me when
I dye my hair. for some reason, it like gives me a
new fresh start everytime I dye it. I swear. anyway,
so I ran into smith's, bought my Revlon brown/black,
and run out. this lady practically almost ran over me
and my kids as I was in her way of where she was
parking. I glared at her like uhh I was here first and
i'm putting my kids in so chill. she got out and started
talking to sage and was like oh baby girl you look
a little young to be dye-ing your hair! and they smiled
and all that, as I started digging around I realized
I locked the keys in the CAR. barf. I kinda mumbled
oh my GOSH I locked my keys in there. she said
oh dear do you want to use my phone? I was like thank
heavens YES, I called Steen, but I started to feel tears.
I felt like an idiot. I didn't wanna bug SIck Steen,
and I don't have freakin money for a locksmith.
all I was thinking was I'm SUCH an IDIOT.
The kind lady offered to call her triple AAA and
have them get the keys out for free. and that was that.
she saved me. we sat in the café and talked while we
waited for them to come. she told me she was a post
partum depression and mood disorder specialist for
post partum moms. she gave Sage a little barret for her
hair and offered to let Carson walk around and pick a
snack so i could have a break. she hugged me after I got my keys and I cried.
she gave me her card. told me she lived up the street,
and that everything is gonna be okay. she told me that.
I needed her. she knew it too. she could read me like a book.
thank you Cynthia.